Thursday Morning, The 8th Day

This morning Toren's head was released from the EEG machine... the room smells like a nail salon from the Acetone it takes to remove the electrodes. This is progress, one less piece of equipment. Relatively speaking he had a quiet night, he continues to move in the right direction. He even turned his head away from the suction during the night, a way of his silently expressing his dislike for the whole process... and who would blame him. Today is day 8 and today the doctors will experiment with Toren driving the vent rather than the vent driving his breathing... it is a good first step towards coming off the ventilator. The other experiment for the day is lightening Toren's level of sedation... which is tricky, because expereince tells us that he is very disconcerted about the whole tube situation, and he is far to vulnerable to do without... so we will be watching carefully, very carefully indeed.
The sky is still overcast, but hopefully the sun will break through the clouds. Fiona is going to keep me company today. Mummy is going to go to London as planned on Monday, because she will be very needed when we get home, so she needs to get this trip in before discharge. I miss Toren, it will be great to have him back... yesterday for just a moment he opened both his eyes... The eyes are such a point of connection between people, it was such an exciting moment. Hopefully before long, waking up and opening his eyes will move from being an event worthy of writing to something we acknowledge with quiet gratitude as a daily blessing. Although I know from this year, that everything becomes a blessing if you open up your heart. Pain and suffering can open your heart or slam it shut, we have been so lucky to have our hearts pried open... while the grief can be intense, the joys and multiplied a thousand times.
These days in the hospital have been filled with memories of the bountiful blessings that have graced our lives. A wise friend recently wrote a bit about fear or love, I find myself working at consciously stepping into a stream of love, and when I do I can feel my body shift, and my world view open. May you all know a day of consciously choosing to stand from a place of loving. With my love.